We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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