Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
