Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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