hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
