Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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