There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
