my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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