Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize