home. puking in laundry basket.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
