I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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