: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
