Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
His hands were made for my vagina.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
