my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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