If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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