I accidentally burped into my bong.
I look better un-naked...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
