I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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