You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
