His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
