hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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