I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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