Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
handjob tips. give me some.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
