My Higher Power is John Stamos
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
