In America we eat man semen.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Never joke about your clitoris.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
