This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
