His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
