Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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