i don't like sucking hair
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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