Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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