That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
this hospital has no fireball
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
