I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
