There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize