Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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