You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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