So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
