Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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