I hope mine doesn't look like that
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
