K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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