doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
