I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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