I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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