Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
