your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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