i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
