there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Text me some of your sweat
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