so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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