we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
