Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
