he puts the penis in happiness.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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