i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
