The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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