why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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