when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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