Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
