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Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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