I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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