i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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