You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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