I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
