Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
