Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Drake has all the answers
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize