Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
