i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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