tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
