Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
