Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just threw up on my dentist
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize