Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
