It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
